the long post

I've always wanted to.
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I think there's something going on behind my back. Like the truman show ya know? I feel like when I turn around the sets bound to be there with audience, directors and annoying family members you only see on the good christmas dinners.
I am so tired of trying to figure it all out. The sleep doesn't come to easy when I'm trying to figure it all out. I just want to sleep. I'm taking everything in though. Learning, coping just being the classic person who wants to learn stuff person that I am. I sound so crazy right now................................
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In the beginning I didn't know you. I didn't want to know you. I was just guessing you were a no no, progressively you proved me wrong I am haunted; "You dont get to choose you just fall in love and you get this person who is all wrong and all right at the same time. And you know you love them so much except sometimes they just drive you completely insane and no one can explain it. And the reason its so confusing is because it's love, but if love didn't have any challenges what would be the point?" I am tired of force eating that bull shit. Sure it was fun, but I forgot you once, I can easily do it again. You are no longer a part of my "how's he/she doing" concern list. Goodbye.

P.S.
I really hoped we'd make it.
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^^I guess not as crazy as I sounded before^^
What kind of a lullaby is a screaming gang of expectations ready to scratch at you as soon as the lights go out? I keep asking you jaysus dog but I get nothing but dark circles and more 'forward' sacks for bedtime aids. If this is some stunt to bring me below just remember i'll see you there soon too.

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This isn't fair; I think people need to be educated to the fact that marijuana is not a drug. Marijuana is an herb and a flower. God put it here. If He put it here and He wants it to grow, what gives the government the right to say that God is wrong?
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I have got so many many bad qualities right? But what about the good ones? There has to be some reason why you still try to read my lips.
With tears from me, return to me, Return to me, my love. I miss your support. Wether it was considered negative or not. I miss you. I really do. Return to the clouds, return in the caves, return all around me. I won't forget this or that. With nobody in your bed the nights hard to get through.
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Sunshine and Roses baby, its all good , its Golden!
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I have not found to be what youd expect of me. summer has come and summer has gone. Found new friends who are tight on the ends. Its freezing on the coldest winter I'm destined to have. suttlely and simply put I am in for a 'rough one'.

Dear God, Its getting kind of lonely down here. Why can't I find you? Why can't I FIND you? Why can't I find YOU?...
I gotta find you...

Maybe this post wasn't so long afterall.