Most things are coming together, and like always I'm only focusing on the things that are not.

I'm practicly begging god to let me be. let me be at peace. I do realize that its up to me to do what I have to do. It's up to me to choose my reactions, strengths, weakness's, desires and so on, but I'm constantly mixing up what the pros are to this beautiful ongoing relationship with him. I just don't understand most of the time. Oh, but i am trying. I truly am.

My mother is slowly but surely, and my aunt is still short tempered with her.
My grandma and I haven't spoken in what feels like months. I know if i really cared about her, i'd call regardless of the quiet small talk we do, but I hurt. My sister is so confused. I can't even tell if I'm the one who is worse off this time around. She doesnt speak up much, and even I being her twin and all can't read what she's silently saying. It makes me want to scream.

I feel like my faiths falling apart. You see, I recognize I'm one of the lucky ones who notice it rather then just completely falling apart, and yet I still sit here, and whine. I don't even try to save it. Pathetic, but At least I realize that I need God, and that it is the right thing. It's not just a bunch of judgmental nose up in the air people singing to an imaginary god. I know it's real, but I can't seem to find what is lost. That spot.

I look around, and see all these kids, left and right so proud that they believe in nothing. That they are thier own god, and it makes me sick. when did this happen? We live in a world of people who dare deny the truth or even say that they only believe in him when they need him. CMON! And god is nice enough to give them another day to change, and grow. Know.
That's me being close minded.

I've been blessed recently;
My real friends are amazing, and the boy area is getting there. I may not be hooking up with every sam and eric in the phone book, but I can assure you I am well off my friend.

pray for stability, and I could use a new brain!