bits and pieces

Its been a rough few days.
Starting with july 4th and not ending. I know its only going to esculate. hate to say it but things can only get worse, and even my positivity and charming smile cannot fill the void.

I think I broke his heart. I didn't mean to but I did. I thought I really really wanted him, but he just isn't what I want right now. I want him now. he's different. Its wierd and I try to make it more than it ever will be but what the heck? I will only be this munipulative once.

My mom is filling me with so much anger and frustration, and I just wish she could learn to talk or even listen. Its not that she doesn't care, its just she doesn't know how to- how to do anything more than what she's doing now. Were not anymore stable than we were a month or two ago and its starting to really get to me again.
I guess you could say I've fallen for my reaccuring depression phase. As pathetic as it makes me sound to admit that I guess it had to be said.

My friends, I guess I can't really figure out wich ones actually 'exist'. I need to jump back on the faith bandwagon, because this whole "life is a party" attitude is just way too easy. I know there's a gnarly catch, and I don't want to end up having to endure it. Bits and pieces keep falling out of my mouth. I scare small children and parents don't want me around there kids. What is left? What's next for me?

Oh, and I ruined tyler orears birthday party, and I don't feel bad. Not one bit. I just don't like you, any of you. Its time for someone to grow up, or maybe we all do. I'm just the only one who admits that I want to.